If you’re a parent struggling to motivate your child, trust me, you’re not alone. It’s tough watching your child seem uninterested in school or even the simplest daily tasks, especially when you’ve seen the opposite before. I’m sure you’re constantly feeling frustrated and worried and always wondering what went wrong.
In Part 1 of our series, we uncovered that a lack of motivation often has deeper roots — it’s not that kids don’t want to succeed, but they may lack the skills or confidence to try.
Now, we’re shifting gears to focus on how to motivate your unmotivated child with real, practical strategies that you can start using TODAY.
Remember, this isn’t about quick fixes or adding pressure to make them listen. It’s about helping them build confidence and resilience and teaching them the skills they need to make tasks more manageable. All of these strategies will help your child rediscover their motivation.
Let’s create a path that encourages growth, celebrates effort, and, most importantly, meets your child where they are.
1. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
Many students feel it’s safer not to try than to truly give a task their all and fail. Help your teen shift their focus from grades and test scores to the trial-and-error process of improvement. This is the first step to developing and nurturing motivation.
For example, observe when your child puts in effort or tries something new. If they usually struggle with organization but remembered to write down their homework today, celebrate it! This reinforces that small improvements are valuable. This approach reduces stress and helps them understand that each step forward matters.
Strategies for praising progress
- Praise the effort: “You worked really hard on that paper”, as opposed to the grade.
- Point out resilience whenever you see it: “I know you were disappointed with your last exam but you took the initiative to talk to the teacher and are focused on better understanding the concept.”
- Focus on problem-solving skills: “I saw how you tried a new study method after struggling with that chapter. That was a smart move and shows you’re learning to adapt.”
Productive struggle strengthens perseverance and problem-solving. It is important that children not equate struggling with failure and lack of intelligence. Reinforcing the process and not the end product reminds students that they have the skills and agency needed to improve.
Emphasizing the effort also helps to lower the stress surrounding high-stakes assignments. How a student approaches a problem speaks more to their abilities than the outcome.
Progress, not perfection, should be the goal.
2. Build Confidence and Resilience
Sometimes, kids feel unmotivated because they’re afraid to fail. They might feel like no matter how hard they try, they’re just going to fall short. So, why even try? For teens, it’s easier to seem like they’re uninterested or lack motivation.
Building resilience goes a long way in boosting their confidence. Working through a difficult problem or concept gives students a chance to see how capable they really are. But that takes practice and repetition. It’s important to provide a safe space for your child to make mistakes and learn to bounce back. Remind your child that the struggle for mastery is not a failure or lack of intelligence, and always celebrate the small wins. The more they do this, the more confidence they’ll gain.
Strategies for building confidence and resilience
- Reframe setbacks: When something doesn’t go as planned, talk with your child about what they can learn from it. “Sometimes things don’t work out perfectly, and that’s okay. What’s one thing you learned from this that could help you next time?”
- Teach positive self-talk: Kids often take small failures personally. Help them replace negative thoughts with something encouraging, like, “I saw how hard you worked on that project, even if it didn’t turn out exactly how you wanted. You put in the effort, and that counts for a lot. Remember, practice helps us grow.”
- Start with small challenges: Build their resilience with small, manageable challenges. “You don’t have to finish it all at once. Just start with a few problems, and we can celebrate when you get through them. I know you can handle this, one step at a time.”
3. Make Tasks More Manageable
For kids who struggle with organization or feel overwhelmed by big assignments, making things more manageable is crucial. Over time, they’ll feel less resistance toward starting tasks and more confidence about finishing them. Remember to always start small!
Strategies for making tasks manageable
- Teach chunking tasks: Work together to divide assignments into smaller tasks. For example, if they have a book report, start with choosing a book, then outline key points, and finally, write a little each day.
- Use a timer: Try using the “Pomodoro Technique” with a timer. Set it for 20-25 minutes of focused work, followed by a 5-minute break. Short bursts of concentration help kids stay engaged without feeling like they’re “stuck” studying for hours.
- Create a visual: For visual learners, a simple task board can work wonders. Write down each step on sticky notes or a whiteboard. As they complete each step, they can move it to a “done” section. Watching their progress is motivating and gives them a sense of accomplishment.
Helping your child make tasks more manageable can be a game-changer. When schoolwork doesn’t feel so overwhelming, kids are more likely to start and finish them with confidence. By teaching them to break down assignments, use focused work sessions, and create visual task boards, you’re giving them tools that make a real difference. Progress becomes more achievable, and each small win adds up to a boost in motivation and a stronger sense of accomplishment.
4. Set Reachable Goals (SMART Goals)
Just as perceived agency is critical for motivation, so too is confidence. You can help your child build confidence by supporting them in reaching their goals. Work with your child to create reachable goals, that can be used to mark their progress.
You can model this process for reluctant students using an extracurricular activity or something they’d be interested in. For example, if a child is hoping to make the varsity soccer team, what skill will they need to strengthen or practice? How will they know when they have mastered it?
Helping your child set small, clear goals can make a world of difference. It gives them a sense of direction and a plan they can follow step by step. Use the SMART goal framework to break down big, daunting tasks into manageable pieces.
Here’s how this works and why it matters:
- Specific: Instead of saying, “Do better in math,” help them set a goal like, “Finish my math homework each night.” This makes it easier to understand what’s expected.
- Measurable: Goals should be trackable. For example, “Read 20 pages each night” allows them to see their progress and feel accomplished.
- Achievable: The goal should be realistic given your child’s current workload and abilities. If they’re struggling, make sure the goal is something they can reasonably handle, like “Complete three practice problems” before tackling the whole worksheet.
- Relevant: The goal should connect to something meaningful, like improving in a subject they need for a long-term goal or just feeling more confident in class.
- Time-bound: Setting a deadline helps them stay focused. A goal like, “Complete my science project outline by Friday” creates a timeline they can work toward.
Acknowledge and celebrate goals that are met to show the child what they are capable of accomplishing. For goals that are not met, talk openly with your child. Ask them in a non-judgmental manner; your tone is key to this conversation! Work with your child to identify any areas where they might need more support.
Remember to make it visible and write down these goals! Writing the goals somewhere they’ll see often, like on their desk or bedroom wall, serves as a reminder and helps them stay accountable to themselves.
5. Build Intrinsic Motivation
External rewards, such as a little treat in exchange for a good grade, may temporarily produce quick wins. But long term, they can lead students to value external validation over taking pride in their work. Start by talking with your child and exploring their interests.
Tying school to long-term goals or interests can help academics feel less rote and more applicable. Questions such as “I know this isn’t your favorite subject but what skills can you pull from it that can help you achieve your goal?” can reframe even the most disliked classes.
Questions for exploring motivation
For children who appear unmotivated in their schoolwork, ask them:
- What is something they care about and willingly work hard at? (This can be a friendship, a videogame, a passion)
- Why in this area are they willing to put in the work?
- What makes this work enjoyable?
- How do they know when they have succeeded?
- How do they feel when they succeed?
Studies have shown that building intrinsic motivation is extremely important for long-term growth and success. When students move to college and beyond, their intrinsic motivation will be one of the most important tools at their disposal. This kind of motivation helps them push through challenges and stick with their efforts, which is especially important as they grow up.
Strategies for building intrinsic motivation
- Connect schoolwork to their passions: Find ways to link what they’re learning in school to what they already love. If your child enjoys building with Legos, show how math and science play a role in engineering. If they’re passionate about video games, talk about the coding and creative teamwork that goes into game design. Making these connections helps schoolwork feel more relevant and engaging.
- Ask insightful questions: Help your child see where they naturally put in effort. Simple questions like, “What’s something you’re willing to put extra time into?” or “How do you feel when you accomplish something important to you?” can guide them to recognize their inner motivation. These moments of reflection can encourage them to channel that same energy toward school.
- Create a personal motivation list: Have your child write down reasons why they want to do better. It could be anything from “feeling less stressed,” “having more time to play,” or “getting better at things that challenge me.” When kids see their own reasons written out, it can make their efforts feel more meaningful and give them a boost when things get tough.
Final Thoughts
It’s important to figure out whether motivation is truly the problem at hand. There may be other issues to address before schoolwork can become the priority. For those students who are struggling with motivation, helping them build self-confidence and independence by setting and achieving goals can initiate a self-perpetuating cycle in which students enjoy success and will work for it to continue.
Focusing on hard work and improvement over results diminishes the anxiety of failure. Approaching conversations with the assumption that each child wants to do well can help the discussions remain open and productive.
The key is to help your child discover what inspires them to work hard and make sure they have the skills and support they need to do well.
Finally, the most important thing is that your student gets the support they need, and it’s ok if it doesn’t come from you. Sometimes it’s more effective if it doesn’t.
If you think your child would benefit from support, reach out to their guidance counselor, or ask them to self-advocate and reach out themselves. Or get an outside tutor who can teach your child how to study and use executive functions, as well as their cheerleader.
To learn more about how executive function coaching can help your child, read our article on “How Executive Function Coaching Empowers Students with ADHD.”
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